Yeah, this review was inevitable. After the rant I wrote regarding the last trailer before release, I had resigned myself to at the very least give the movie its fair shake. And I did. To put it bluntly: this movie's a mess. What's the plot? It's a tangled mess of webs to put a finer point on it. Bloated to an absurd two hour plus runtime that makes me want to hang the editor from a lamppost. Nothing about this plot justifies its runtime. "Oh, but it's a two-parter." you might say. And you'd be right... except The Empire Strikes Back felt more like a complete story by the end despite also ending on a cliffhanger. Being a 'part-one' in a big event doesn't excuse the terrible pacing and poor editing. Forget thirty minutes, there's at least less than hour of this bastard you could cut. Of course that's assuming you want to sit and watch the film be about as subtle as a brick to the face about how much it's main character is totes legit, bruh!!! Which I'll get into soon. I'm sick to death of no one in Hollywood knowing how to edit movies anymore. This film chugs along
in fits and starts at least three different times. It feels less like a
feature-length film and more like episodes of a TV series stitched
together. Justify your runtime and learn how to pace your shit better. This is non-negotiable as far as I'm concerned.
Now this review may seem a bit all over the place, but then again, so is the film. So I'll try my best to maintain focus without getting lost in the woods here. I'll start with a positive: Miles is fine, when the film isn't trying to jam him down your throat sideways. The best stuff with him are honestly the parts completely bereft of any multiverse stuff. When the film is chill and has time to breath, it reminded me a lot of what made Homecoming great. No villains with phenomenal cosmic powers, no multiversal crisis, just Miles helping people out and stopping a baddie or two. And while the Spot is the impetus for a lot of the insanity to come, his dynamic with Miles is well done and rather clever as it ties back to the events of the first film. Setting up a compelling rivalry between the two that honest to God gave me chills at times. Now it's not the first time the Spot has been portrayed as an intimidating threat. One of my favorite issues of the post-Brand New Day era of ASM involves the Spot taking on the Russian mob (ASM #589 btw), but it's a welcome portrayal of the character nonetheless. I was pretty enamored with the Spot's visuals, sound-design, and the film's score giving him this "off" feeling. Like the score itself feels wrong and out of place when he's gaining in strength. Seeing his progression from petty criminal to potential reality-shattering supervillain was pretty cool.
However, once the actual plot starts creeping in is when all the problems start stacking up. Let's go over one example: The family drama. Now Jefferson and Rio are fine characters whose scenes do serve a purpose in the overall story. But you could cut their involvement down to their first scene with Miles at his school and Jefferson's party and that's it. After that their continued inclusion just eats up the runtime, and Jefferson and Rio don't say anything that different than what was initially conveyed in the first act. Look, I like them as characters, especially Jefferson. He was one of the many highlights of the previous film. But they didn't need to be in this as much as they were. Leave the extra bits on the cutting room floor.
I'm gonna say it: I think Spider-Man: Homecoming made the right call having Aunt May find out Peter was Spider-Man. That change in their relationship dynamic does add a lot, which paid off well in No Way Home. Across the Spider-Verse could've done that with Jefferson and Rio and it teases that idea... but it doesn't. Instead it's the same drama I've seen before at least a dozen or so times only this Spidey has parents. I get where the set up is leading to, I do, but there was an opportunity to do things differently. In the Ultimate comics, Jefferson did learn Miles was the new Spider-Man. And that had an impact on their relationship. One of the multiple family drama bits could've been used to let Jefferson and Rio in on the fact that Miles is Spider-Man. Then the drama could've centered around them being massively against the idea. Believing that the superheroics are impeding on his college prospects. Miles rebels and that's where the conflict is. But of course, that would cut in on the TWENTY MINUTES we spend with Gwen Stacy in her universe at the start of the movie. It's redundant and hampers the film's pacing.
In my previous rant, one of the points of contention I had regarding Miguel O'Hara's inclusion was the very obvious antagonistic angle the trailer seem to convey regarding his character. I said at the time that Miguel was portrayed as an authoritarian tosspot, acting more like Superior Spider-Man than Spider-Man 2099. Now having seen the film, I believe I was technically correct. I say technically because the character of Miguel O'Hara is largely on-point. He's just in the unenviable position of running and maintaining the DashCon of superhero organizations. You get the stress of his job and how far he goes to maintaining his cool. And given the kind of people he has to work with on a regular basis, I realize now that perhaps I judged him too harshly. You too would become an authoritarian if you had to put up with THAT many super-powered clowns.
That said, I did like Migs for the most part. Both he, Miles, and Gwen are not only the most sane of the cast, but also the most normal. Making them the stand-outs. However - get used to seeing that phrase because there's only so many times I can cushion the massive-ass amount of BUTs in this review, his entire motivation is based on a flimsier premise than the anti-nuclear energy argument. Yes, the film does address it in two ways: Miles's whole motif throughout the story and a plotpoint later on with Gwen's father. It's likely that Migs is wrong and is just acting in a knee jerk fashion by massively over-correcting. However, this "canon events" nonsense is just that: Nonsense. If the multiverse is infinite, meaning infinite possibilities, then it's foolish to assume that any specific event in a Spider-Persons' life has to happen. And the idea of a canon event completely negates the notion of freewill. It makes no sense. It's just the writers' flimsy excuse to contrive a conflict between Migs and Miles. How Migs convinced however many Peters to his side with what amounts to a shoddy theory baffles me. No, the Peter Parker of Spectacular Spider-Man would never say that. The Peter from Spider-Man: Unlimited wouldn't agree to this absurd idea either. And especially goddamn Insomniac Spider-Man would never accept the premise of letting people die because - as pointed out in the film - some algorithm dictated that it's their fate. And it's borderline character assassination of Gwen for her to try and stop Miles the way she does. As a general rule, Peter Parker doesn't believe in no-win scenarios. He does whatever a Spider can and saves people. Period. The first film in the Raimi Trilogy had him save MJ and a tram car full of kids. I should also mention that No Way Home kinda addresses this argument of fate and whether or not it can be changed. Hell, that entire movie may as well be a response to Miguel himself. The Trolley Problem don't fly when you can bench-press the trolley. Now, I'm aware that this movie is likely setting up a rebuttal to prove Migs wrong in the end, but as we already established, the premise of his argument is faulty, so any number of these Peter Parkers would think "Hey, you're full of shit, Pissed Jose! Your argument is flawed and your evidence is circumstantial at best."
Also, let's be perfectly honest. Who really believes Migs when he says that by virtue of Miles being bit via a radioactive spider from Earth-42, his existence caused Earth-1610 Peter Parker's death? Nobody deigns to question this? Because it's a bit more complicated than that. The Green Goblin caused the particle collider to explode initially during the fight with 1610 Peter Parker. And Kingpin was the one who killed him. I should also add that it was Alchemax's machine that brought the spider from Earth-42 into Earth-1610 in the first place. If anyone's responsible for this mess, it's Olivia Octavius and Kingpin. Now was 1610 Peter Parker's death caused by Miles simply being there and he was preoccupied with keeping Miles out of harm's way during the battle? Perhaps. But again, that's circumstantial at best. Migs should be smart enough to know the phrase "correlation does not equal caution"
Of course, all of that is just a hastily put-together framework for what Miguel O'Hara's true role in this film is. In case you didn't catch it from the trailers, Migs quite literally shouts the "theme" of the movie as he relentlessly pursues Miles in what is admittedly a cool sequence. The thing I criticized heavily in my previous rant; the idea of Miles Morales's legitimacy among fans. Apparently, one of Lord and Miller's intentions for this movie was to respond to the people - like myself, who don't think Miles is Spider-Man. Well, message received, my friend. But guess what, Holmes? The person(s) being insecure about whether or not Brian Michael Bendis's OC doesn't belong IS YOU. YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. You're in your own way, dude! I've been screaming this from the rooftops almost as much as Miguel does in the film; Miles Morales as a character will NEVER get out from Peter Parker/Spider-Man's shadow so long as you keep him there. Period. I don't care how many times the film wants me to believe it. You can say it a thousand times and it still won't make it true. I've come around to the character of Miles, at least conceptually. The first Spider-Verse showed that there's potential, but it still remains untapped. Because there's a clear path for him to take that remains untaken. Miles should be taking the Nightwing approach. Shedding the name given to him to strike out on his on. When you think of Dick Grayson, do you even remember him as Robin anymore? No. It's because better writers took that risk and made the jump from Robin to Nightwing. And people love him. Why has no one done this for Miles?
Lord, Miller, and Dave Callahan (the writer from WW84), lend me your ears: You're the reason no one accepts this character. You had an opportunity after the first film to go your own way. Instead, you rehashed the theme of the first film only more obnoxious and preachier than a Joel Osteen sermon, crammed it full of references and Easter eggs, and are now rapidly undoing all the goodwill the first film established. I appreciate the nod to MC2 Spider-Girl and all, but that approach has more issues than fucking comics at this point. The entire Peter B Parker bit is played out. He has no point in this movie. Neither does Jess Drew for that matter. There's at least a dozen or so characters and scenes you could cut, but instead you became too self-indulgent to the point of absurdity.
I'm not as bothered by the TO BE CONTINUED as some others are. The problem I had was how the film takes its sweet ass time to set up for the mic drop of Miles being trapped in the home universe of the spider that bit him, all while the Spot is about to unleash havoc back home in Earth 1610. Migs and Co, are hunting Miles, and Gwen is gathering the original team from Into the Spider-Verse for the big finale. And all throughout in my head I'm shouting "GET ON WITH IT!" I am not kidding, you will age ten years by the time this film ends. The Empire Strikes Back had pacing issues too (mostly in the middle), but nowhere close to this bad. At the very least it was wrapped up with only the fewest of loose ends whilst leaving the audience with baited breath for the next chapter. For Across the Spider-Verse it just stops. There's no sense of finality to it. Again, I know it's a part-one. But plenty of TNG episodes end on To Be Continues while still having a conclusion of sorts. The pacing is honest to God atrocious. Who edited this, the Japanese?
Anyone who says that Across the Spider-Verse is perfect should have their heads examined. There are hundreds of animated films that aren't even a quarter as long and they're well worth your time. The Secret of Nimh, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, last year's Puss and Boots: The Last Wish and yes, even the first Spider-Verse film. Any one of these is better than Across the Spider-Verse. In narrative focus, editing, and pacing. If you can't tell your own story coherently and in a concise fashion, than it's not a very well told story.
Miles Morales: Across REFERENCE-LAND gets unimpressed Otto Octavius face out of ten.
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